If you’re thinking right off the bat that “Rugrats” and “Sexual Allegations” shouldn’t go together in a sentence, we agree. Unfortunately though, life isn’t always that dichotomous. In case you were not a regular follower of the show, Rugrats’ main characters consisted of a group of toddlers, all exploring their home and interacting with each other. They got into trouble and saw the world in a very different way than adults do. Perhaps a “Rugrats lens” is a good perspective to look at the recent story of the California pre-school children engaging in oral sex.
The report was about a Lutheran school being shut down after a young pre-school boy performed oral sex on his pre-school classmate. Many individuals want to relieve their outrage and avoid uncertainty by placing blame. The truth is we can only speculate what has led to such actions by the child performing the act, but it is also important to consider how this incident will affect both children’s futures. The most pressing questions are: what was the cause and what can be done moving forward?
Some speculate there was abuse at the home of the performer, while others counter-argue saying that many times children engage in self-soothing behaviors and natural discovery of things that feel good without the social ramifications. For young children, playing with their private area just feels comforting, similar to curling their hair or sucking their thumb. This brings us back to the Rugrats. Like Tommy, Angelica, Phil, Lil and the rest of the gang, the children involved in the unfortunate interaction were too young to understand their actions. Kathryn Seifert, an expert in youth sexual behavior explains that the brains of young children are not prepared for sexual information. When you reflect on the Rugrat show, you may be able to better imagine life at such a young age. A word here and there made sense, but miscommunication was standard for their existence. Social interactions were always a learning experience.
Phil and Lil
(Photo Credit: DragoArt.com)
While we must acknowledge up front that there is no way to be 100% aware of every action or experience of a child, the burden of responsibility is the greatest for the parents. Our society has long understood the reality of parents having “the talk” with their children. We don’t commonly acknowledge how much more guidance parent’s must provide than just one talk. Experts like Judith Myers-Walls now say that sexuality, in a sense, starts younger than you might think. Between the ages of 2 and 5, children learn to dress and undress themselves and begin to understand what it means to be a boy versus a girl.
A way to help avoid situations like that of the pre-school children in California is to have ongoing conversations with your children. When children are around 2, you can talk about boy and girl body parts. Pretty soon after that; talk about personal parts and when it’s alright for kids to explore their body versus when it’s not.
Despite preventative measures, acknowledge that many things happen. But few will be harmful, if the lines of communication are open. One can’t rely on other sources to be the initiator of communications. Being proactive and asking your children and their teachers would be best advised. Be practicing emotional intelligence by asking questions about who your child saw at school and what their day was like. If something out of the ordinary comes up, just calmly ask more questions. You can also look for other signs that there may be trouble such as difficulty sleeping, drastic changes in behavior, dietary changes or anger management issues. Though there is hardly a silver lining for the incident in California, the good news is that there are people and trained professionals to turn to for help. If you’re having difficulty knowing how to approach these topics with your children, seek help. If you feel your child has been involved in inappropriate interactions, there are specialists that can offer guidance in moving forward.
