With the end of the year comes time for yearly cleaning, maintenance and organization. Now, imagine the following: you are looking around observing your house. You notice that there are problem areas that need to be fixed, or that there are rooms within the house that you are wary of clutter or unsure of whether they are being used in the best way possible: (Do they need to be fixed? How do you start with understanding and making sense of a possible change?) Now think about that little garage, or depending on where in the country you live that basement in your house, that contains all the tools that you usually use to fix things including parts of your house, ones that you have used in the past and perhaps have been with you for a while. Doesn’t it bring you comfort to know that fixing the problems you have noticed around your house is within reach?
Now I invite you to think about your mind the same way; It is complex and has many rooms; Some that you may be content with, some that you feel need fixing, and some that you are unsure about. Your mind has to start with an initial thought to build off of. A foundation or value to shape your actions with. Let’s call these your core beliefs. Your core beliefs exist in the garage/basement of your mind. They are the basis of whom you think you are as a person, and what you believe about yourself, others, and the world. Now take a look at the above picture of the tree. The tree is above the ground, and on the surface it appears to be functioning on its own. However, past the surface there are thousands of roots spread throughout the ground connecting that tree to its nutrient source the earth. The roots that help grow the tree, span back years to a beginning when the tree was a simple short plant. Your actions, motivations, and emotions, function in that same manner. They trace back to your core beliefs, your values and your thoughts.
What are core beliefs?
- Core beliefs are central ideas about ourselves, others, and the world. These beliefs act like a lens through which every situation and life experience is seen. Because of this, people whom might be in the same situation, but have different core beliefs, will feel and behave very differently. Core beliefs may be rigid and inflexible, and may not necessarily be based on reality, reason or evidence. The sad truth is that even if a core belief is inaccurate, it still will influence how we sees the world around us and therefore how we react to it. Faulty core beliefs lead to negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors while rational core beliefs lead to balanced reactions.
- We can have core beliefs that are inconsistent with one another. This can create cognitive dissonance, which occurs when our beliefs don’t match with the reality and/or we are challenged when our actions based on those core beliefs do not match with the response or feedback we receive from the universe, or the people around us.
- Core beliefs are usually formed in the early years of our lives. They are ego driven, self serving and child-like thoughts. Because these beliefs are based on pain avoidance and self preservation, they are not growth oriented and lack the insight and understanding that comes with life experiences. These types of thoughts can lead patterns such as avoiding, ignoring, manipulating, deceiving or compensating in other words delaying consequences. Being egocentric favors immediate gratification over long-term goals, and lacks depth, understanding, learning, and flexibility.
How do core beliefs impact us?
Core beliefs have a direct impact on the way we perceive the world and interpret what happens. They color our judgments of others and also judgment of ourselves. They formulate the rules we live by every day and the limits we put on ourselves. For this reason, negative core beliefs can have a huge effect on our self acceptance, self worth, and self esteem. Core beliefs not only impact our judgment of ourselves and our own abilities, but our relationships as well.
Negative core beliefs may show up in adult life as…
I will always be alone: self-sabotaging relationships, fear of getting close to others, avoiding intimacy
I can’t trust myself: being indecisive, relying on other people’s opinions
I’m not lovable: pushing people away, seeking reassurance, fear of abandonment or rejection
I’m helpless: blaming others or desire to be rescued
I have to be in control: Being unable to trust people, avoiding new situations
When you tell yourself constantly that you are not good enough, you focus on evidence that it is true, and discount the positives. You understandably feel worse and worse, and eventually prove to yourself that it is true. You feel hopeless and unmotivated to try to change things.
On the other hand, if you remember the times you have succeeded, worked hard, did well, or connected with others, you are convincing yourself that you are good enough. You’re much more likely to feel hopeful and motivated, and you thus give yourself more opportunities to disprove negative core beliefs. The more positive beliefs will be confirmed and solidified instead.
It is in this way that core beliefs are the very foundation of your self worth.
What are some negative thinking patterns that may arise with reviewing negative core beliefs?
All-or-nothing thinking: if you fall short of perfect, you think you’re a failure
Overgeneralizing: if one thing goes wrong, everything will go wrong
Mental filtering: you ignore the positive and dwell on the negative
Jumping to conclusions: you rushed to an assumption, even though it’s not supported by the facts
Catastrophizing: you magnify things way out of proportion
Identifying with emotions: you believe the way you feel is the way you are
Using should statements: these words are set up for painful self-blame
Labeling yourself and others: you fail to acknowledge complexity and nuance
Personalizing: you erroneously see yourself as the cause of some external event
What does this statement say about me in this situation? What does it mean?
What does this thought tell me or say about how I view the world, my friends or my family?
What is the worst thing this statement or thought may say? Why is this situation, thought, or feeling so bad?
What thoughts do I have about myself that would make this thought or situation so bad? What is causing me to feel so upset?
Remember, every day is a new day to be your best.
Email: info@worklifecounseling.com
Website: https://centerforworklifecounseling.com
Phone: (321) 758-5161
